From collapse to calm: my journey, my shadow, and what saved me

There are stories that are not written to shock.

They are written so that someone who reads them can say: “I am not alone.”

This is a part of mine.

After an eight-year relationship—comfortable, respectful, but one in which I completely forgot about myself—we decided to end it. We were living in Tenerife, and when we broke up, I literally felt like I'd had an arm and a leg cut off. It was devastating.

However, instead of staying put, I decided to do something that was calling me from within: I kept the van we shared and went to Fuerteventura alone. My idea was clear: to take a retreat with myself, to process what I'd experienced, and to understand what I had to learn from that breakup.

Very soon after, surfing and a new relationship shook me completely. And although that story started off strong, something inside me knew I hadn't yet transformed. I saw myself repeating patterns, feeling the same as before... just on another island, in a different story. So, true to my intuition, I made a radical decision: to leave everything behind to find myself.

I temporarily sold my life: I left the van on the peninsula, entrusted my cats to a friend, broke off the relationship, and went alone for four months to the Maldives and Indonesia.

The trip was an old dream. What I didn't know was that I was going to come face to face with all my shadows.

There, amidst idyllic landscapes, a stark loneliness appeared. I realized I was no longer that Sea who made friends with anyone. I was no longer fulfilled by empty conversations or fleeting connections. I was empty inside, tired, lost.

In that silence I encountered many unexperienced griefs.

Not only that of my ex-partner—whom I didn't miss out on love, but rather on support—but also the deep grief of a family breakup that I had silently carried on. I realized I had been drifting so far away, that I was literally living alone, in a van, on an island. And that... weighed heavily.

From the Maldives, without family, without my ex-partner, without my new partner, without my animals, I began to have panic attacks and thoughts that frightened me. I felt so alone that I began to question whether life had any meaning like this.

I was thinking about that line from the movie Into the Wild:

“Happiness is only real when it is shared.”

And I had no one to share anything with.

I returned to Spain urgently. And thanks to the fact that I had already built my team and my business with Ringana, I was able to afford the flight, the therapy, and sustain myself for two months during which I couldn't even turn on my computer.

That was my biggest fall. But it was also the beginning of everything.

The first light came from something I never thought I'd embrace: medication. The psychiatrist prescribed me anti-anxiety drugs, and it was the first time I lived—literally—in a body without anxiety. And then I saw it:

My depression wasn't just sadness. It was the chronic exhaustion of living so many years of self-imposed demands, forced independence, and control. From an extreme masculine energy that had disconnected me from myself and robbed me of my calm.

It was then that a promise was born:

I'm going to get back to this state. But without pills. From my body. From my energy. From me.

Since then—this was in August 2023—I have not stopped studying, experimenting, and training in everything related to regulating the nervous system and returning to a state of internal security and real well-being.

Trained in:

• More than 150 hours of yin yoga and somatic yoga

• multiple courses of somatic therapy, vagal toning, breathing, touch, nervous system

• obsessive reading of books on anxiety, the vagus nerve, trauma, and feminine energy

And above all, I have understood that:

• it's not just about healing anxiety,

• it's about living in a different way.

To stop pushing, to live from the mind and the doing.

To remember that we can exist from the body, feeling, presence and pleasure.

🌸 I'm telling you this because...

Because maybe you're exhausted too.

Maybe you're in that phase where everything falls apart, or where nothing makes sense.

And I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you.

You are just being called to be reborn.

Today, my life has changed.

I work from wherever I want, at my own pace, with a team of incredible women who are also on their own journey.

I lead courses, create rituals, and, above all, I help women like you get out of autopilot and get back to them.

💌 How can I help you?

1. 🎧 Start with my free audio, a gentle practice to get you back on track (great if you're having a hectic day).

2. 🌿 If you feel constant anxiety, anguish, or stress, my [SomaSafe] course teaches you to regulate your nervous system with real, simple, and effective practices.

It's like a pill, but without the chemicals. Just the connection.

3. 🌱 And if you'd also like to transform the way you work and join a team that supports and inspires you, write to me. I'd be happy to tell you how Ringana works and how you can get started.

Sometimes the greatest darkness comes just before we ignite again.

Thanks for reading.

Thank you for being there.

With love,

Mar